Lindsey's Laughter Log
Thank you for laughing with me all across the USA and Europe!
~ “Fare thee well, Sweet Destiny!” Caitlin wailed as we pulled out of the parking lot in Geneva, at five a.m., with our silent French chauffer who drove at breakneck speed. Destiny, our black “sports-van”, had carried us through seventeen different European countries over a period of five months and it was a painful good-bye for the dramatic side of the family. No longer would we optimistically shout, “Onward Destiny!” at the beginning of a journey. No more would our brilliant, crimson French license plate make people holler “Bonjour!” at us. Never again could we blunder while driving and carelessly remark, “Hey, we’re French!” Destiny was no more. So, in the somber attitude appropriate the closure of this voyage, I once more will utter, “Fare thee well, Sweet Destiny!”
~On top of the Jungfrau in Switzerland, which hosts the highest elevation railway station in Europe, we had explored an ice palace and had made it barely three feet into the whirling, freezing, outside snow world of white nothingness and survived. So, we wanted a bit of warm, relaxation time and went to check out the multimedia show. If you read Ben’s blog for Day 390, you will discover that we had quite a bit of waiting time where the visual was not working. However, there was some gorgeous, orchestral music and Abby and I hopped up to dance. My family voted that Abby was a more clumsy dancer than the graceful I. We twirled and leaped and spun and did all sorts of extravagant, innovative moves that have not yet received a proper name.
We were all laughing at our dramatic moves when Abby and I collapsed on the floor, exhausted after a half hour of non-stop dancing. Caitlin and I played hand games like when we were little girls. We were chanting, “Lemonade, crunchy ice, beat it once, beat it twice. Lemonade, crunchy ice, beat it once, beat it twice, turn around, touch the ground, freeze!” I won the freezing contest because Caitlin immediately collapsed with helpless laughter. The “fix-it man” had chosen the exact moment that I gracefully twirled and struck a dramatic pose, to open the door, which happened to be directly behind me.
~ In Lucerne, Switzerland, we went to the Stadkeller Restaurant. Here we sampled, no, more like gorged on the local cuisine and all the time watched traditional Swiss entertainment. Yodeling was one of the most common forms of entertainment. At one point, they invited ten of the audience to come up on stage and yodel. Daddy went up. At first they yodeled as a group and as they began, the host swayed her hips in time with the music. Then, the volunteer yodelers on stage started doing it. We all laughed until our full tummies ached as we watched Daddy hula and yodel at the same time.
~In Bern, Switzerland, we were walking along the river when Mom suddenly said, “Wow, that’s weird. Guys, look at the water.” We looked at the rushing waves and then looked back at Mom confused. She took off her sunglasses and said, “Oh, it must just be my glasses. It was like watching a three-D movie, except different.” We all tried them on and it was weird. Her glasses are polarized, and somehow it made the water look as if it was jumping out at you. Very bizarre.
~It seemed as though we had not learned our lesson in Austria, however, because we proved to be just as gullible in Switzerland. During our visit to Ballenburg Outdoor Museum, we were looking at some historical religious artwork. One was a triple painting. When you looked at it from different angles, the image changed. As you walked from left to right, it was first God the Son, then God the Holy Spirit, and then God the Father. Caitlin was very excited about this. Mom said, “Hey guys look at this painting. If you look at it long enough, He opens his eyes.” It was a painting of Jesus with his eyes closed. Immediately we all turned from the triple painting and started to stare at the painting. However, unlike Ben in Austria, Mom could not suppress her giggles, but burst into loud laughter. We were fooled again.
~ In Austria, there are these things on the ground. They are made up of a white circle and inside that circle are four small white triangles that form an X with the left over pavement. Now, Ben told us that those are bomb targets left over from WWII to help the bombers to know where to drop their bombs. The white paint would be reflected by the lights from their airplanes. Abby and I were very impressed by Ben’s superior knowledge and it never occurred to us to question how and why the local people of the town would paint something on the ground to help the “enemy: bomb their homes. We were talking about these the bomb targets together at dinner, one night, when Ben burst out laughing. Totally confused, Abby and I asked him what was so funny. Obviously, while we were deep in conversation, we had missed a major joke. Ben had been listening in on our conversation and had finally decided to burst our bubble. Those bomb targets were actually just painted symbols on the street that meant ‘NO PARKING’. Abby pointed at me and I pointed back at her. We both burst out laughing. It was pretty funny as it was, but it got even worse. Abby, gasping in between giggles exclaimed, “And Lindsey had me take a picture of one! A picture of a NO PARKING sign!”
~I had a marvelous time at the Globe Theatre in London. We were groundlings, standing almost beneath the stage as we leaned against it, resting our arms on where Shakespearean actors and actresses had trodden. In Shakespeare’s day, groundlings were lowly peasants who were free to laugh, boo, cheer, belch, and throw tomatoes at the Shakespearean actors. We did plenty of laughing and cheering as we became part of Much Ado About Nothing. The pride and humor of sweet Beatrice and charming Benedict made them obvious favorites. The bad guy, Count John, was so stupidly and amazingly horrid that you had to laugh at and boo him at the same time. There was one point when Count John came to the edge of the stage. As we looked up at him, he declared how he ‘despised’ something (with a proper evil lisp) and sprayed us with a shower of spit. The, as Benedict declared his love (in supposed secret) for the sweet Beatrice, a grayish brown hair fell from his head and softly fluttered through the air before landing on my arm. Of course, the story had a happy ending and we had had a jolly good evening laughing our worries away with spit, hair, and tomatoes.
~ In London, we needed to carry our picnics with us. So, we all carried backpacks. We had been admiring, The Monument, from the nearby benches and then went on to see London Bridge. Once there, I reached back to pull out my camera and realized that I didn’t have my backpack! Mom yelled, “Run!” And I did. I took off, sprinting along the length of London Bridge, dodging amused businessmen with smart suits, closely followed by Abby and Caitlin who kept on asking me how I could be so dumb. As we turned the corner, The Monument came into view. On the benches where we had sat was a Spanish tour group. And in the midst of the smiling senors and senoras, was my teal and orange polka dot backpack, slumped neatly exactly where I had left it. I grabbed it, smiled at the Spaniards who laughed, and walked over to my sisters. We were all breathing hard from our run. But, our laughter stopped when we realized that we were in the middle of London and had no idea where our parents and brother were. They soon showed up, however, and laughing again, we all exclaimed, “That was so much fun!”, “By far the best thing we’ve done in London yet!”, “Can we do it again?”
~At the Irish National Heritage Park, our guide, Jimmy, had a proud Irish sense of humor. We saw many reconstructions of Stone Age Irish monuments. Jimmy declared at each stop, “ta Ireesh was dar furst!” He claimed that when the Irish suddenly stopped building stone monuments to their pagan gods because they had to go help the Egyptians build the Pyramids. “Paddy was thar,” became Jimmy’s favorite saying. When he found out that we were Americans, he said, “Aye, we get a boonch of Americans. They all says ta same thing, ‘We are trying to find our ancestors.’ You know, ta sad thing is that I have to tell them they’ve all gone and died!” Good ol’ Jimmy.
~Upon entering Wales, we encountered a sign that sent our car shaking with laughter. The welcome sign ‘Croeso i Gymru’ . Daddy started lecturing us on how to pronounce Welsh letters. Caitlin commented that he sounded like a retard. Mom said, “That’s right. Now it’s decided. In Italy you finish every word with ‘uh.’” It’s true, we had someone say to us, “It-uh is-uh at-uh the next-uh stop-uh.” In France, you talk like you have a thick tongue and it is sticking out. When you speak German, you have to act like you’re spitting and make lots of sounds at the back of your throat. And in Spain, you talk with a lisp. And in Wales, you sound like a maniac.
~Daddy was driving in Stratford-Upon-Avon, England. Mommy was in the passenger's seat. It has been somewhat bizarre driving on the wrong side of the road and it's even more bizarre when you see a moving car and no one is in what we know as the driver's seat! So, we were driving and all of a sudden, Mom shouted, "She's not looking! She's not looking! Ah! Jim, STOP!" By now, we were all looking up and then burst out laughing when we heard Mom say, "Oh, its OK. She's not the one driving."
~We were walking along the Seine River in Paris the other day. All was well and I, as the guide in France, was at the head of the group. All of a sudden, I heard a loud sound, followed by the sound of metal ringing after being hit hard. I turned around and saw Ben staggering back from behind a sleek black lightpost. There was a huge red bump forming on his head and even though Ben had just walked into a lightpost in the middle of Paris, he was doubled over in laughter. I guess he was more embarrassed than hurt.
~While we were driving home from a day outing exploring three of the Most Beautiful Villages of France, I was asking Daddy if I could work on the computer. He mumbled something, just at the same time Abby shouted excitedly, “Who wants to smell my lilacs?‼” In answer to not being able to hear Daddy’s answer to my question, I asked “Yes?” Suddenly, there was a bush of lilacs in my face, I breathed in through my nose in alarm and you know when you sniff a flower too hard and it burns the inside of your nose? Well, that feeling in my nose plus the absurdity of the situation, I burst out laughing starting out with a very unladylike snort (I shall never forgive myself) to get the tinkling feeling out of my nose. This snort and the situation set the rest of the car rocking with laughter.
~When we were driving to Loubressac, France, Mom suddenly shouted, “STOP‼” at Daddy. Usually when she yells stop, it’s a red light or a ‘do not enter’ sign or a fearless European driver or pigeon. But today, she said quite calmly, “Kids, look at this tree. The trunk goes out and then in.” Wow, Mom. Shaking his head, Daddy continued on, only to have Mom burst into a laugh with, “Oh, no. And it didn’t even do that! It was just the angle!” Since Mommy’s eyes were all blurry from laughing too hard, she said to her husband, “I’m glad you’re driving.” Daddy answered, “That’s one reason you’re not driving, yes.”
~At dinner, I was talking about my past. (I must be getting old). Anyway, I was talking about the annoying boy I sat next to in 6th grade and how I would always scoot my desk and chair as far away as possible from his. I didn’t like the girl sitting on the other side of me too much, either, but she was a girl and he was a boy so that decided that. All of a sudden, I stopped talking and looked up and said, “I completely forgot why I was just telling you that, but it had a point. I know it did. Mmm. Um, what were we just talking about? Oh, ya. No, that didn’t have anything to do with it. Oh I know it. It’s just at the back of my throat.” I coughed. Meanwhile my family was red-faced, teary-eyed, and bloated with laughter. Mom corrected me that what I meant was at ‘the tip of my tongue’. (Honestly, I thought they were the same thing). But, even now, I still can’t remember why I had said that. Do any of you know why? I honestly have no idea.
~Mom woke up this morning to the beautiful views of Ore, France. Now she wasn’t feeling so great, but when she opened the door of her bedroom, she saw Ben and starting laughing. And laughing. And laughing. Now, Ben is growing out his usually very short hair. So, lately he has been trying out different hairdos. Last night, we watched Meet the Robinsons. In this movie, the main character has a kind of electrified scientific hairdo. So, Ben decided to try it out. The result was a combination of Einstein and Elvis Presley and none of us could quite take him seriously today.
~In our French car that we recently named Destiny Phillip (pronounced the French way) Winthrop Renault, there is an installed GPS. (The long name of the car was a result of not being able to decide which name to choose. In fact, Ben, still stuck on the Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, still calls our car ‘the baguettes,” because the baker in Beauty and the Beast yells, “Marie, the baguettes, hurry up!”) Anyway, back to the GPS; the voice choices on the GPS each have a name. The voice that we ended up choosing was named Richard. I love Richard’s voice, so I have gotten into the habit of saying, “Thank you, Richard,” whenever he robotically says, “You have reached your destination.” But, as all technology is not perfect, we were lost in Portugal on the way home from a late dinner out. Richard had just told us to go left and then turn right. We went on a left bend in the road which Daddy mistook to be the left turn and then Daddy made the wrong turn and instead of turning left, he turned right … into a dead end. Richard sweetly, but impatiently, robotically told us, “Turn around when possible.” I yelled out, “RICHARD‼” And instead of frantic, stressful cries, peals of laughter came from the inside of our car.
~Ben was washing the windshield at a gas station when we were driving between Barcelona and Madrid, Spain. He couldn’t find the squeegee and so instead, Mom said that she would turn on the windshield wipers for him. Mom flipped the windshield wipers on … only Ben hadn’t put them down on the windshield yet. So, Ben was trying to grab the moving wipers and Mom was laughing too hard inside to stop them.
~With Abby’s twelfth birthday coming up, she has begun to get excited at the weirdest times. We were driving and all of a sudden, she burst out with, “I’m going to be twelve in a couple of weeks!” She contemplated this fact for a moment and then her face breaking out in a grin, she said, “I’ll be a dozen! How handy, I can just say, I’m a dozen instead of I’m twelve. How convenient! See it’s so much easier to say a dozen than twelve. Adozen versus ta-well-va-uh! See?” We really do love you our almost twelve, oh pardon, dozen year old.~When driving to Arles, also in Southern France, we were on a very skinny, curvy road with lots of blind, hairpin turns. All of a sudden, a small old car came zooming around the corner. Daddy swerved out of the way. The driver in the front seat was a French old lady with her hair piled high on her head. She turned the back of her hand to Daddy and wiggled her fingers at him, angrily yelling from inside her car. As she drove away, as an afterthought, she beeped her horn at us. We drove away laughing, saying, “Daddy just got finger-wiggled by an old French lady!”
~We were in Avignon, Southern France in the square in front of the Pope’s Palace. Nearby, there were two men sitting at an outdoor café. One of the men had a grumpy looking bulldog. We were talking and all of a sudden, a chair came crashing through our little huddle. There was the little bulldog, sniffing our feet. He had been tied to the leg of the chair and upon seeing us, raced over to inspect, taking the chair bumping along behind him. The owner came over to apologize and we shared a good laugh. If you ever go to France, make sure to laugh with the French people. I highly recommend it.
~In our French rental car, I was looking for the car manual to figure out how to use the GPS. I searched and I searched and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I emptied my entire backpack and didn’t find it. Then, looked down and there it was. Mom took it gratefully and then asked me, “Where was it?” I replied innocently, “In my lap.” So, now, whenever something is lost, everyone asks me, “Hey, Lindsey, is it in your lap?”
~In Assisi, Italy, at bedtime Abby was complaining about holes in her underwear and Mom replied, mine has 3 holes, (because all underwear has three holes), but it took Caitlin a little longer to realize the joke and corrected her that hers only has two. Mom said, “Really?” Then, we all got the joke and laughter filled our room. Laughter before bed – good medicine for sweet dreams.
~After waking up after our first night in Europe, Mom asked Abby how comfortable her bed was. Sleepily, she answered, “I don’t know, I was asleep.”
~When we finally reached our hotel in France after landing in Geneva, we were eating a dessert of Thin Mints that Mom had brought over with her and was very generously sharing. But, the count didn’t come out right and so we had to split a cookie in thirds to make things fair. Ben, our mathematician was saying, “Now you each get a fragment of a thin mint,” and suddenly Abby just burst out laughing. Now, you must excuse us, we had all been awake for 32 hours, with only small bits of sleep and we were all very tired and messed up. Abby, through her laughter, tried very hard to explain what was so funny, but all we got was, “Haha, a frag-mint!” We were all so messed up and drunk from lack of sleep that we laughed until we cried.
~We were getting on the plane in California to fly out to Phoenix and there was a people jam while we were still near the entrance of the plane. The pilot asked me where I was from, and after being in so many different places, I said what I had grown accustomed to saying, “California.” The pilot gave me a “duh” look and then when I realized what I had said, I had to explain to him all about our trip and how I can never remember where I am anymore! Then, when we were on British airlines and were getting off after landing in Geneva, a flight attendant came up and put a temporary tattoo on my arm. He said, “There we are. Have a good day, miss.” I didn’t have a chance to look at the tattoo until we got off the plane and when I did, I found something, just as strange as having a stranger come up to you and put a tattoo on your arm. It read, “I Love Strauss!”
~Since, we are nearing the end of our USA portion of the trip; we have started to reminisce a lot. Some of our favorite stories are ones told to us by friends and families.
-When we were visiting Mom’s old roommate, Elisa, in Illinois, over a pizza dinner, Elisa and Mom told some hilarious stories. My personal favorite was about their college years together. Elisa used to set her alarm much earlier than my Mom wanted to be even close to conscious. Elisa would leave her alarm clock on the other side of the room, so that she would have to get up to turn it off instead of just pushing the snooze button over and over until she was late for her class. So, early in the morning, Elisa’s alarm would go off … and it would beep and beep and beep. Mom would bellow, “Elisa get up and turn off your alarm‼” Elisa would start crawling across the floor, but would usually fall asleep again before she reached her clock. Mom would again bellow, “ELISA!” And poor Elisa would say, “I’m trying!” before falling asleep again. Eventually, Elisa reached the clock and Mom could have a few more hours of sleep.
-When we were visiting my Uncle Keith, Aunt Malu, and Cousins Christopher and Claudia, Aunt Malu told another hysterical story. Aunt Malu and Claudia were going through security at the airport. After passing through the metal detectors, they went over to pick up their bags. Aunt Malu noticed that the buckets surrounding Claudia’s laptop were going to run into each other and create a problem, so hurriedly she yelled, “Claudia, quick, grab your laptop before it explodes‼” As you can probably imagine, Claudia was mortified and the airport security did pay a little more attention to my dearest Aunt Malu.
~Mom was starting to get annoyed. We had a flat tire and were stranded in the middle of nowhere in Texas. It was dinner and she had been trying to say the sentence so many times that she forgot what she wanted to say. She complained, “You guys won’t let me get a word in edgewise.” Caitlin interrupted with, “maybe if you turn sideways you’ll be able to slip it in!”
~We are snowed in in Little Rock Arkansas. This morning, at breakfast, Abby adamantly insisted that if you put your ear to the ceiling above the over the cab bed, you can hear the snow "tinkling on the roof." Considering that just a few days ago Daddy and Abby coined the phrase, "I have an inkling to go tinkling." it was interesting to think of snow "tinkling" on the roof.
~At Hot Springs National Park all the water in the buildings is supplied by the local Hot Springs. Before beginning our hike back to our campground, we ventured down to the ladies restroom to take care of business. Since there were only three stalls, Caitlin was left waiting outside. In this restroom the sink faucets are automatic. However, unlike most of the automatic sinks we have seen, the sensors are not under the faucet, triggered by placing your hands there, but on the wall above the faucet. Suddenly, we hear Caitlin yelp in fright as a faucet went off. She had backed up to lean on the counter and set it off. A few minutes later, we heard her cry out again....she had done it again and scared herself silly again as well. Her laughing was contagious and soon we were all laughing as well. As Mom exited her stall, she laughed to see Caitlin doing a silly dance in front of one of the sink sensors. As the faucet went off, Caitlin jumped and screamed yet again! By this time we were all cracking up at her silly antics. Later, the park rangers must have thought we were nuts as in the front hall of the visitor center, we relayed what had happened to the boys. Soon they were laughing as well and the sound of our laughter echoed throughout the marble hall.
~In Tennessee, we went to the world famous Grand Ole Opry House. We caught the 4 o’clock Behind-the-Scenes tour. On our tour with us, there were two young ladies from England. When we got to the Grand-Ole-Opry stage, our tour guide, Jennifer asked if anyone had a birthday. One of the English ladies said she had a big one coming up. Jennifer asked her, “What’s your name?” She answered, accent and all, something that sounded something like this, “Fluuu-er.” Jennifer asked, “Flur?” “Yes.” “Okay, everyone, sing Happy Birthday to Flur?” We sang to her and when we got to the part where you say their name, “Happy Birthday to Flurrrrrrrr,” we sounded like drunk hyenas. Later, while we were eating dinner, we talked about how sad that was and laughed over it together. Poor Flur.
~ This afternoon, we passed back into the Central Time zone upon entering Alabama. So, we stopped at noon in the new time, but it felt like one o’clock to our bodies. We were all pretty hungry, but none made it better known than Mom. It went something like this. “Come on, I’m starving‼ Get this and that from the fridge‼ Aaaaaah‼ I’m sooooo hungry‼ Hurry up and pray‼ Pass me the bread‼ Quick give me food‼ I’m going to turn sideways and disappear‼” This sent us into peals of laughter! Pretending to be offended, she asked, “What are you implying here?”
~Caitlin and Mom were talking about possible churches to attend. Daddy brought up one church and Mom commented that on their website, they emphasized the 3 R’s of religion. And Caitlin said, “What, reduce, reuse, and recycle?” I sometimes question whether we really share DNA.
~We went on a 3 hour canoe trip in Biscayne National Park. I was paired with Daddy, Caitlin with Ben, and Abby with Mom. I had turned around in my seat and was paddling backwards when Daddy told me to turn around so I could scout out the shallow areas coming up. I did so, but in the process, made the biggest mistake a canoe-woman can make. I stood up. The boat swayed and tipped on its side, all the way to the left. And all I saw was Daddy’s leg straight up in the air and one arm completely emerged in water. It wasn’t very funny then, but if I had taken a picture of Daddy’s position, it would have made the most ridiculous pose for a forty plus year old man. Next, it was Abby’s turn. Ben was helping them dock and in the process, he pulled their boat all the way up onto land, but then Mom said, “Stop,” and he let go. And they slid all the way back into the water. Then, Abby made the same huge mistake I did, so she teetered forward, then back, one foot went up and then the other. Ker-splash! She came up with the back half of herself wet and the front half completely dry. It was a very comical to look at.~We went on a 3 hour canoe trip in Biscayne National Park. I was paired with Daddy, Caitlin with Ben, and Abby with Mom. I had turned around in my seat and was paddling backwards when Daddy told me to turn around so I could scout out the shallow areas coming up. I did so, but in the process, made the biggest mistake a canoe-woman can make. I stood up. The boat swayed and tipped on its side, all the way to the left. And all I saw was Daddy’s leg straight up in the air and one arm completely emerged in water. It wasn’t very funny then, but if I had taken a picture of Daddy’s position, it would have made the most ridiculous pose for a forty plus year old man. Next, it was Abby’s turn. Ben was helping them dock and in the process, pulled their boat all the way up onto land, but then Mom said, “Stop,” and he let go. And they slid all the way back into the water. Then, Abby made the same huge mistake I did, but she received the consequence. She teetered forward, then back, one foot went up and then the other. Ker-splash! She came up with the back half of herself wet and the front half completely dry. It was a very comical to look at.
~ When we visited Epcot in Disney World, we visited the country Morocco. Now, this country is well known for its outward adornment and belly dancers. In one of the gift shops, I found a white belly dancer outfit and mistook it for a wedding dress. Whoops!
~While eating breakfast one day before Disney World, we were laughing over something and Ben asked us to stop making him laugh because when he had gone running earlier, he got a cramp and it hurt him to laugh. Then Abby pipes up, “You wet your pants?” Since she had misheard him, Mom said yes, her fifteen-year-old brother had wet his pants. At which point, she went off on this tirade of amazement, how she hadn’t wet her pants since she was in second grade and now here she was and her brother had wet his pants and he was 15. The rest of us were laughing so hard we couldn’t correct her. Finally, Mom explained what Ben had actually said, but Abby continued to be befuddled. Soon we were laughing so hard, poor Ben was on the floor in a convulsion of giggles and pain.
~While at Washington Crossing State Park, PA, we discovered that one of the historical houses that had been restored to how it would have looked during Revolutionary times, was owned by a Benjamin Taylor. So, we sent Ben across the street to take a picture in front of the house. Now, there was a wall of stone separating the road from the house and in between the wall and the house was a very low, leaf filled ditch. In a matter of seconds, Ben had crossed the road, stepped up on the wall, slipped and fell into the ditch. It was so like the cartoons that we all burst out laughing. Poor Ben!
~ While eating a delicious dinner with our friends, Gretchen Janssen and her German intern, Michael, Abby was reading the label of the Italian dressing aloud to us. Now, for those of you who don’t know, the Newman’s Italian dressings usually have legends of how the dressing came to be, and this particular legend drove our laughter to tears … “Newman’s Own: Parmesan and Roasted Garlic Dressing
Legend: Once upon a time, Prince Romeo Parmesano , the big cheese of Tuscany, was preparing a lavish banquet to honor his fiancée, Julietta Garlico, the aromatic beauty of the Abruzzi. Parmesano gave orders that Julietta should be properly toasted, but his dim-witted equerry thought he said “roasted,” which tragically caused her demise. The prince, in a paroxysm of grief, got, “fried” and was sunk when he drove his Bugatti through the retaining wall of the Amalfi Drive. Now, to commemorate these ill-starred lovers, Newman’s Own reunites them with this match made in heaven: Parmesano and Roasted Garlic.” We determined that most people don’t read the labels on their food, therefore missing out on a lot of fun and that laughter is the best cure for anything, proven that Mrs. Janssen’s toothache disappeared after this laughter feat. Take these lessons and apply them to your life!
~ We recently visited the Plymouth Plantation and on our third day there, we decided to try some Native foods. We ordered Indian pudding, succotash, and stuffed quahog. The Indian pudding was basically cinnamon pumpkin pie filling mixed with cornmeal and topped with whipped cream. This was nice and sweet. The succotash was a soup with different veggies and beans. This was considerably spicy. After a while, Mom, whose sensitive tongue can’t be disturbed with spicy material started looking flushed and stopped her intake of the succotash. Then, Daddy brought out the stuffed quahog, a crusty filling in a quahog shell. Now this one was really hot. Mom was the first one to try it and all of a sudden her face was beet red and she was actually sweating. We tried to relieve her … and gave her a lemon. Now, Mom has a certain level of prejudice against spicy foods, but nothing can surpass her loathing of sour food items. When something is overly sour, she gets a very pinched look and something within the vicinity of her lymph nodes goes crazy. We always say that her wheels are spinning. In the rush of the spicy taste, Mom, without thinking, shoved the lemon into her mouth and she just exploded. Her face still a beet red was drenched in spicy sweat and her mouth posed in a squeezed position with her upper lip protruding. She waved her hands below her chin, trying unsuccessfully to somehow relieve herself. Her eyes were squinted and watering and her whole body shook with laughter. Our entire table was shaking as we all laughed together. We sat in the center of a large cafeteria and I’m sure many a head turned in our direction. I was the first to take action for my poor ailing mother, so I rushed off to the condiment table and grabbed a fistful of sugar packets. Soon, Mom’s face returned to its normal shade and her face relaxed, but the story still replays at the dinner table and will be a fun memory for all time.
~ “Olive tree or die?” asked Daddy pointing at the New Hampshire license plate. “Maybe everyone has to have an olive tree in their yard or else they will be sentenced to death!” We all looked. The car in front of us was from New Hampshire (not unusual since we were in New Hampshire). “No, honey, that says ‘Live free or die’.” said our ever so sensible Mom. The placing of the screws on the license plate actually made it look like: ‘Olive free or dieo.’ But now whenever we see a New Hampshire license plate, we laugh.
~ When we visited Mackinac Island, Michigan, we rode tandem bikes around the island, because the only vehicles allowed on the island were emergency vehicles and helicopters. Mom and Abby, Caitlin and Ben, and Daddy and I (Lindsey) were how we paired off to ride the tandem bikes. Daddy and I quickly became the tandem pros and Mommy and Abby took off with minimal difficulty, but Caitlin and Ben took the first couple of miles to get the hang of it. When we first started off, we were on Main Street with horses, buggies, pedestrians, and bikers all going their own way. Daddy and I took off and were soon on a quieter street where we stopped to wait for the others. Even from our distance, we could hear Caitlin screaming and Ben yelling instructions. You are supposed to ride tandems with the heavier person in the front, but the front person also has to steer. So, that had Caitlin in front, screaming and laughing and swerving down Main Street. People on the sidewalks were laughing with Caitlin, who was laughing so hard she couldn’t see, making it even harder for her to steer. However, they eventually made it to where we were waiting without too much difficulty and we were on our way.
After lunch on that same day, Mom and Abby decided to go against the norm and have Mommy in the back and Abby steering in the front. They started about 30 feet away from our picnic table to practice. Daddy and I stood cheering them on and taking pictures. At first they were good with little swerves, but as they neared the picnic table the swerves and screaming intensified and Abby swerved right into me and crashed. Screaming with laughter, Abby yelled out, “That gave me the biggest wedgie ever‼” Some other bikers on single bikes past by and said, “We were going to get one of those, but I’m glad we didn’t!” Mom answered back with, “You’re missing out on a lot of fun!”It became a favorite story and a great laugh with our family!
~ It seems that I have adopted Abby’s habit of talking in her sleep. According to Caitlin, a couple of nights ago, she woke up in the middle of the night and started talking to me about salad. Apparently, I asked her, “How were the bananas?” She said, “What bananas?” “You know, the bananas” “WHAT BANANAS?” “You know the bananas in your salad.” She told me this entire conversation the next morning at breakfast. And I didn’t remember a thing. So, now whenever we have salad, somebody always asks how the bananas are.
~ At a fish boil we went to in Wisconsin, the host told some not so fresh fish jokes …
-What does a fish say when he runs into a concrete wall? Dam.
-What’s a fish’s favorite swear phrase? Holy mackerel.
-What do fish sing at night? Salmon-chanted evening, (some enchanted evening).
-Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.
-Then, he sent us home with, “We aperchiate you being here tonight!” And we loved his sailor accent!
~ Today, as we were walking through the neighborhoods of Oak Park, Illinois, Caitlin randomly started lecturing me to not start drinking coffee. She blurted out how it would stain my teeth and it would be addictive. After telling her that I had no intention of ever drinking coffee, she continued to lecture me. So, I started to complain to Mom. I told her, “Mom, Caitlin just randomly started yelling at me for no reason to – Oh, look, a flamingo -- ...” I got no further. Mom burst out laughing. I didn’t see what was so funny, I saw a plastic flamingo on someone’s lawn and because I have this weird thing for flamingos, I wanted to point it out. But, the story soon spread amongst the family and I became the laughingstock of the entire Taylor party.
~ When people are bored, sometimes they do stupid things. We were driving through Elk Grove Village, Illinois. Having been told that we were on a “scenic drive,” we could only sit and look around. We talked amongst ourselves and were kind of in a silly mood when I volunteered to Abby, “Let’s try to eat each other’s mouths.” This was kind of a joke, because when Abby and I were really little, we would try to lick each other’s tongues or eat the other person’s nose. Weird right? Well, we were so bored that we went at it. It lasted less than a second because Dad took the RV over a bump and Abby and I bonked our teeth together. The result was a bleeding lip (mine), sore teeth, and two very embarrassed girls. We felt really stupid afterwards and it became a family joke.
~ The other day in the RV, Daddy was nodding vigorously at something, and then Caitlin decided to argue with him and shake her head vigorously. Then Daddy started at the left side and shook his head like a sprinkler. Jerkily left, and then smoothly back, like the old fashioned water sprinklers that water old people’s lawns. So, now whenever we happen to see that type of sprinkler, we tell Dad to do the sprinkler head.
~Abby has had quite the habit of talking in her sleep and because we sharing a bed right now, I hear every word. Last night she was extremely verbal:
- First, she stole my pillow. She wrapped her arms tightly around it and shouted, “Ben, don’t take it, it’s MINE!” I couldn’t get it back from her! My struggle to get it from her woke her up and she returned it.
-“Would somebody move these big things, they’re in my way!” There was Abby, with her head on my legs, lying sideways on the bed! I laughed and woke her up and she moved.
-Later on, she sat up and screamed, “Mommy! Shut the door! You’re letting all the mosquitoes in!” I laughed so loudly that Abby actually reached over and clamped her hand over my mouth!
The next morning, I told this all at the breakfast table and Abby didn’t remember a thing!
~ At a ranger talk while we were staying in Grand Teton National Park, we learned the amusing origin of its name … When the French fur trappers came through Wyoming back in the 1600s, they passed through the Tetons. As the legend is told, upon seeing the mountains they shouted among themselves “La Trois Tetons,” which in French means, “The Three Breasts.” Our ranger joked that the French must have been very lonely and deprived to name a mountain range such a thing as that, but the name stuck and they remain the Grand Tetons or Grand Breasts to this very day.
~ Sometime in everybody’s life they receive a mark that yells stupidity. I got mine today. When we were starting off from a store in Wyoming, I was in the back about to go into the bathroom to put some things away. All of a sudden, we lurched around a corner, and I, because I was standing vulnerably out in the middle of nowhere, lost my balance and went straight on into the bathroom door … I was called Rudolph for the next week. I had a huge red mark and cut going straight down my nose. The red mark is gone, but my scar of stupidity remains.
~ This morning, we woke up with an unusual disaster. A sleepy voice called out, “Would the person who has my pajama shorts kindly return them.” Yes, Caitlin’s pajama shorts were gone. After some shuffling around and searching on the floor, on her bed, and on her body, the pajama shorts were still not to be found. Now the whole family was at it. We searched far and wide for a good thirty minutes. We gave up. Later, when we were making our bed together, Caitlin and I found them … under my pillow! She let out a shriek of dismay. I denied all part in the stealing of her pajama shorts, and honestly, I have no idea how they got there. The mystery of the lost pajama shorts remains one to this very day.
~ At a rodeo in Cody, Wyoming, Ben and Daddy were extremely amused by the clowns. One of the jokes that they found funny … “Hey, Bill … Yea Matt … You know why they call that bull, Wild Thing? … No, Matt, why do they call him that … Cuz that’s his name, dummy.” You would have thought that someone set off a laughter bomb or something. Ben and Daddy laughed until they cried. Well, the next day, I took advantage of this new knowledge. I don’t remember who it was, but somebody asked Daddy, “Daddy, do you remember why they called Badlands, the Badlands?” I said, “That’s its name isn’t it?” Ben doubled over in laughter, but it took Abby a little while, I guess it lost its charm.
~ We had lunch outside at a picnic ground today. We were surrounded by swarms of mosquitoes. While we were eating there was plenty of slapping and clapping mosquitoes to keep from getting eaten alive. Somewhere in the course of this meal, Mom yelled out, “Quick, slap Abby on the head!” I (Lindsey) not realizing that she was actually talking to Ben to save poor Abby from a mosquito reached out and slapped her squarely on the head, completely missing any bugs and setting our table rocking with laughter.
~ Many of us have taken falls while the RV was on a very fast curving road. First to fall was Ben. Mom had asked him to check the temperature. He made his way back and just before he reached the thermostat, Mom stopped very suddenly and Ben was thrown across the RV up to the driver’s seat. We all rushed to him very concerned, but he was laughing so hard, that we turned our frowns upside down pretty quickly. We cleaned up his minor cuts and put ice on his bruises and all was well … for the moment. We got hungry and were a while from lunch, so we got out some snacks and all sat down at the table. I got thirsty after a while and got up to pour myself some water. Just as I had finished pouring the cup, we took a sharp turn and I was thrown to the driver’s seat as well. In doing so, I had soaked Ben and Abby with my water and upset the bags and bowls of snacks. I burst out laughing and was joined by my family. We cleaned up the mess and got settled again. A little later, when we took a lurching turn, Abby slammed into the door and after the big crash, we heard a stifled, “Ow?” and then muffled laughter. After this, we declared Ben’s fall most painful, mine the longest and most messy, and Abby’s the most amusing.
~ As we were driving in the RV, we were listening to Beethoven’s 5th symphony. All of a sudden, Abby starts doing a shoulder shimmy to the song which set us all off laughing.
~ Over breakfast we were talking about the situation of Abby’s PE shorts for middle school. Currently, Ben has been wearing my old PE shorts from middle school, which is very amusing in itself, because my name is written in pink with a heart at the end at the base of the shorts! The conversation had a turn when mom sternly told Abby that if Ben doesn't lose my PE shorts or if they don't get stolen, then, she can wear them for PE in middle school. All of a sudden, Daddy burst out laughing. He said that he was just imagining the chances of my very girlish PE shorts being stolen from the men's bathroom and Ben walking around without any shorts! Our table shook with laughter!
~ When we were being active outside, Daddy brought out a rocket that you can shoot with your finger. Of course, within 10 minutes, Daddy managed to get it stuck in a tree, a good 30 feet above our heads! The effort to get it out was both intense and amusing! Daddy and Ben aimed with the football and Caitlin and I (Lindsey) tried our best, much to our family’s amusement to kick the soccer ball into the tree. Well, I can kick a ball pretty high, as long as the target is the exact opposite of where it looks as if I would intend it to go. In other words, I had to turn completely around in order to getting anywhere close to the rocket stuck in the tree. Eventually we got it out after about an hour that night and 15 minutes the next morning!
~ We have turned out to be a very easily entertained family, well at least Caitlin is … this morning, as Caitlin was helping Lindsey and Abby make their bed over the cab, she sat up straight up, which surprised her because of her tall torso! Then she found her head in a sun roofish window on the ceiling! She turned her head from side to side and she was instantly entranced by the swishy noise her hair made against the screen! We really do love you, Caitlin!
~ Today was the first time that we set up our handy dandy shade structure with mosquito netting. We were planning to read Hamlet for about a half hour under the shade because of the annoyingly excessive number of mosquitoes. We were expecting the setting up of the tent to take 5 minutes or less … We were all eaten alive during the thirty minutes that it took us to just set it up! The rods were color coordinated with the pockets on the tent, this excessively excited Caitlin, the OCD person of the family (or CDO person, so that it is in alphabetical order). But, our more organizationally challenged men of the family couldn’t quite figure it out!
